Many young adult couples are weighing the decision to move in with each other. Living together transforms a relationship. Whether that transformation is good or bad depends on how you and your partner navigate the decision-making and planning process.
Don’t jump into living together without thoroughly thinking about the decision, especially if it’s your first time moving in with a romantic partner. Instead, think carefully about this choice to ensure it’s the right one for you, your partner, and your relationship.
Discuss Your Expectations for Living Together
The first step in creating a harmonious living experience with your partner is talking about your expectations for cohabitation. This helps you identify your and your partner’s expectations and ensure they align.
Though many members of Gen Z have different views on romance compared to previous generations, with some forgoing traditional gender roles altogether, don’t just assume you and your partner are on the same page. You may want to embrace modernity in your relationship, while your partner might want to adhere to tradition.
This kind of misalignment in values could cause significant friction in your relationship after moving in together. However, talking about things like how to split housework and financial contributions beforehand can help you proactively address things and get ahead of any potential issues. In doing so, you can make an informed decision about moving in together, or even decide that cohabitation isn’t the right choice for you just yet.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what you decide is best for you and your partner — it’s about having those honest conversations and coming to a decision that works for both of you.
Share Your Fears About Cohabitating
In conversations about your expectations, you also have a chance to address deeper fears that may negatively impact the cohabitating experience. Moving in together can be a scary or overwhelming prospect, even if you’re excited about it, and it’s important to talk about those feelings early on.
If you have particularly strong fears or anxieties about this, be sure to assess whether there’s something deeper at play. You or your partner may resist moving in because you have a phobia of commitment, which is a kind of intense fear or avoidance of long-term relationships or other forms of commitment like moving in with someone.
It’s essential to address an issue like this when considering cohabitation because you don’t want it to dictate your decision. You also don’t want to suppress your feelings and decide to move in with your partner before you’re ready, as it’s likely to come out later on and may even strain your relationship.
Experts suggest therapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy, to address underlying trauma to treat a phobia of commitment. Medication, effective stress management, and openly communicating your feelings can also help you cope with commitment phobia. You may find that, by digging into this issue now, you and your partner are even able to strengthen your relationship before making the move.
Make the Home Both of Yours
It can be hard for one partner to get comfortable in the home if the other has taken over the entire process, from choosing the place you’ll live to how it’s decorated to how it’ll be run on a day-to-day basis.
You both need to be involved in ccrafting your ideal living space and experience. Choosing your home should be a joint decision. Each of you should be equally involved in the actual moving process too.
Discuss how you want to decorate your home. See how you can blend your personal styles so that your house reflects both of you. Making the home both of yours solidifies that this is a joint journey that you’re both committed to.
Communication and Understanding Must Come First
If living together requires anything, it’s communication and understanding. Going from living with family or by yourself to living with a romantic partner is a huge transition. There will likely be challenges while you find your groove in this new stage of your relationship.
Communication and understanding are critical in getting through those tough times healthily. You want to be able to talk about what's going on and find solutions as a team. What you don’t want is to turn your home into a warzone because all you do is argue or give each other the silent treatment.
If you and your partner already struggle with communication, try to work on those issues before moving in together. You’ll also want to continue to work on how you communicate after moving in, so your home remains a safe space for both of you.
Take your time determining when it’s right for you and your partner to move in together to create the secure foundation you need to live together successfully.
