The House We Grew Up In by Lisa Jewell
Set in Cotswold Village England we meet the Bird Family. There are four children all with very different personalities. Meg is the oldest, followed by Bethan and then twin boys Rory and Rhys. Their dad Colin is a lanky young looking college professor. At the center of the novel is the mom Lorelei a bit of a hippy, fun loving stay at home mom. Lorelei “treated the children like precious gems and made every moment sparkle.”
One Easter weekend tragedy strikes and as a result the family starts to fall apart. We follow the Bird family over the next three decades even as they are estranged. Ms. Jewell explores a variety of topics such as mental illness, family secrets, emotional trauma, incarceration and death. However, the main topic which is threaded throughout the entire book is Lorelei’s hoarding. We find out that Lorelei is a compulsive shopper and hoarder which ultimately damages all her relationships.
So what exactly is hoarding? Many times in casual conversations people who collect many things refer to themselves as hoarders. Yet, hoarding is not the same as collecting.
The American Psychiatric Association states “People with hoarding disorder excessively save items that others may view as worthless. They have persistent difficulty getting rid of or parting with possessions, leading to clutter that disrupts their ability to use their living or work spaces.”
As in the book, hoarding can cause a strain on family relationships. Many times family members get frustrated after trying for years to help their family member. Ultimately, Lorelei is left alone and isolated from her family. Hoarding may also lead to safety concerns such as fire hazards or tripping and falling due to lack of paths and open spaces.
So what to do when you are in this situation?
Encourage the person to seek professional help. There are many therapists trained in hoarding. Hoarding is not something that just goes away. The disorder that leads to hoarding will likely be something your significant other will face forever. Having a good therapist will help the person not just during the cleanout but with moving forward in their life.
Read and learn about hoarding. There are many good resources online such as The International OCD Foundation and The Mayo Clinic.
Try not to judge. Try to be supportive and suggest professional treatment.
If they ask for your help try to be helpful. If you find the task too daunting or it leads to arguing consider hiring a professional organizer to work with the individual. Make sure you find an organizer that has experience dealing with hoarding issues.
Decluttering can take months and even years with a person with lived in experience as a hoarder. Do not expect overnight success. Be encouraging and supportive. Baby steps can lead to bigger steps and success down the road.
The House We Grew Up In is an emotional book filled with twists and turns. In the end the family returns back to the house they grew up in to come to grips with the many secrets and topics they need to discuss as a family. It certainly will keep the reader hoping that the Bird family can move forward in spite of all the history and issues they have faced.
Lisa Jewell is the #1 New York bestselling author of eighteen novels, including Then She Was Gone, The Family Upstairs and Invisible Girl.
